This is the main reason tantric sex used to have a bad reputation in the last couple of decades in the West: it was abused.
Basically a few well known masters rushed in the West and thought they could wipe out the existing beliefs and practices.
They broke fundamental rules and often betrayed the trust of their followers.
The existing sex tantra schools in the west have learned from these mistakes.
Most of them are now well integrated and do respect and encourage the established laws and beliefs.
Go online and make a search for tantra.
You will see dozens of workshops, classes and books on this topic.
Most of the organizations or persons promoting these teachings and systems are totally respectful and will take you in the right direction with developing tantra.
This means that they will usually be respectful and mature in their approach.
Of course, like with any teaching or courses, some might be fit for you and some might not.
This happens for anything you want to study and explore.
You simply need to be wise and discriminative.
Listen to and trust your instinct with that.