There are four “energy bodies” in a relationship:
· The first one is your relationship. The spirit of what you share. You common ground. Your common vision.
· The second one is your individual integrity. It is the role you played before you were in a relationship. It is the role you go back to if you split from your partner.
· The third one is your partner’s individuality. It is the things he wants for himself, his personal goals, etc.
· The fourth one is everything which surrounds your relationship: children, parents, in laws , social circle, work, etc.
Every one of these “energy entities” has a plan or a vision for your relationship.
Sometimes, these different plans do match. Sometimes they don't
You were functioning as an individual before you were in a relationship.
You have a name, individual goals, desires, character and emotions which do function and exist whether you are in a relationship or not. This is your individual integrity. It is your individual identity
When you have a partner, a new quality comes into your life: the plan for your relationship.
You do function differently when you are in a relationship than when you are not.
Your energy base is different.
Now, your individual integrity does not disappear of course. It stays alive. You simply tend to express it slightly less when you are in a couple situation.
You merge with the couple’s vision and function in a partnership.
Now, the goal is to stay connected with the power you have as an individual.
You must be able to function both within a relationship or as a single person.
When you let go of your individual integrity and are afraid of being on your own, you give up an essential aspect of your personality.
This tends to make you insecure and very vulnerable.
Basically you tend to rely at 100% on the couple’s energy for security and comfort.
You literally create dependency and give up your individual freedom and integrity.
This can be very damaging on the long term.
Why is that?
Because anything can happen. Something can happen to your partner or you can split.
On top of that it tends to put too much "weight" on your partner’s shoulders.
Being able to be independent any time gives you power. It strengthens your emotional base and does empower your relationship as well.
When you feel strong and empowered as an individual you function better within a relationship.
You have a stronger base. You have a deeper sense of security and you know you would be alright with or without him.
This gives you a sense of inner power which deletes insecurities.
Put is this way: many relationships challenges are related with fears. They are related with the fear of ending alone. They are related with the fear of splitting one day.
Now, imagine that you know there is a territory in you to which you can go back any time. This is the territory of your individual integrity. You know how to function as a single person.
When you know you have these resources in you, life is simply much easier. You remove 90% of the fears and insecurity which can clutter your relationship.
You create a sense of inner freedom and independence which do strengthen and empower your couple.
You do function better in a relationship when you are stronger as an individual.
You know how to play with both roles: in couple and single.
How do you keep your individual integrity alive?
· You challenge yourself
· You go beyond your natural limits.
· You create a personal base which has some elements of independence in it like your own job and career.
· You take time off from your partner (an evening with just your friends, one week holyday apart, etc)
· Etc.
The idea is to stretch your potential. The moment you know you would be alright no matter what, you feel much freer and empowered.
Can you see how this works?
Again, it does not mean that you will use this power to make it on your own.
It gives you the power to immensely enjoy your relationship because you remove most of the “fear of being alone” factor.