Fighting is a way to generate energy.
Fighting creates friction!
Friction creates fire!
Fire is energy!
If you have been fighting a lot in your couple for instance, being suddenly at peace might feel strange.
The patterns to be and stay at peace might not even be alive in your couple.
You end up triggering fights without even realizing it because your whole set if actions and communication patterns are programed for fights.
The "peace program" might even feel strange or alien to you.
The ways to build up peace might feel, weird, flat or uninteresting to you because you don't feel fire in them.
To shift to peace, you meed to make it juicy, exciting and interesting!
For many couples, fights will often be the energy high for the day!
You might be peaceful and even a bit bored and then suddenly a fight starts and brings a whole lot of conquering fire in you.
You might not like it or own it!
You might feel alienated by it!
But the reason you don't step out of it or develop the skills for peace is because a part of you gets fed by a fight!
This part that feeds from friction is a shadow aspect because you don't own it.
You feel guilt and blame yourself or your partner for going into conflict again.
The problem is not fighting by itself.
The problem is that it happens without warning, at inappropriate times, without secure boundaries, with no exit strategy.
That's safe fight!
How to fight and generate friction energy without burning down your couple!
For many people, entering into fights is simply a way of living!
You might feel an unstable, aggressive impulse or frustration.
Triggering a fight is your way of giving a channel to that aggressive energy.
If you don't see a reason to fight or a fight trigger, you will look for one or create one!
You might even set up "blaming traps" for your partner to fall into.