Hello, I just broke up with my boyfriend last night. I broke it off with him and now I'm regretting it. However, I know it will never work out. I am just so confused. We've been dating for three mos. He's told me at the beginning that he is not looking for marriage (he's in med school and very busy) and will be doing his residency (more than likely 1500 miles away). I was standoffish at first and then recently tried to have a more open-mind and "live in the moment"- as he has always tried to tell me. But I didn't like the fact that he told me that he's leaving next year and that he hopes we will always remain friends. He told me that he is so glad that he's finally met someone who's not looking for marriage and that he doesn't feel trapped like he did in his last rleationship. Though he's just told me the other day that he's so lucky that he's finally found someone that he loves sepnding time with and is so physically and mentally attracted to. He told me he was devloping feelings for me and really cared about me. But he's busy and I always have to see him on his schedule. So, I didn't like the expiration date thing for our relationship, so I broke it off with him. Now, I'm extermely depressed. We had plans to go on vacation together and for my birthday. He was always so nice to me and really was great. We have amazing conversations and I was starting to have feelings for him. But there's also the negatives. He said to me that he sacrificed his studies for me. "What the hell does that mean?" Isn't that the meanest thing you've ever heard?
But the sex was great. We started developing an emotional bond. Al the elements were there, except for the fatc that he's leaving next year and hasn't even left the open possibility of anything. He warned me at the beginning and just last week. So I ended it. But it's probably harder on me than it will be on him. He's got girls just wanting to be with him.
He wished me good luck and told me that he hopes I find what I'm looking for and that he wants me to be happy. I could have probably gone on dating him for a little while longer, but I was afraid my heart would just get too involved. esp. by next year, when he would leave. (and I know we would have been together for the entire year until he leaves). Gosh, it's so convenient for him. He gets sex all the time and "no strings."
Well, I don't know if I made the right decision. I miss him so much and my heart just aches. Even though it's only been three months. but it would be much worse next year. I'm not looking for marriage, but i'd like to be in a relationship with open possibilites. I never regret the time I spent with my exes. I cherish the moments I spent with them. and I know, the next relationship I get into may not end in marriage. I may have many more relationships after this one and I won't regret investing my heart into them. But I don't like expiration dates made by the otehr person. It doesn't give room for your heart to grow together.
What do I do. Did I make the right choice? Could he have perhaps chnaged his mind later next year, if he falls in love with me?
Please help me!
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Answer
what he says is very clear: his career and own life path first. He wants to be free, no strings attached, etc.
You, on the other hand want full committment, right?
Two plans, two different visions. They are both valid. He is obviously emotionally free and ready to move on.
When a guy has been in your life and suddenly he is not there, it leaves a huge gap. That's the space you are in right now.
Consciously recover your power and independence. That's something you can do consciously by opening space for others, friends you left aside when you were with him, focus on your own projects, etc.
In other words focus back 100% on your own life and get your full power back. Whatever you invested in him, with hopes, desires, etc: get it back.
This is a full emotional recovery of all your life tools.
I know how you feel. These feelings are okay. Now you can take a fast track to high speed recovery and wake up to the new opportunities which are in front of you.