Power is precious. You have an infinite reserve of it but if you start wasting it, it will be gone very fast.
Here are some situations and attitudes in which you might be wasting your power:
Trying to change others
Wanting to have it your way always
Disagreeing systematically
Over criticizing
Etc.
These attitudes can easily create a waste of your energy. It is like trying to bend something which can't be bent.
Why these attitudes don't work? Because you are using control and influence to change something which is often beyond your control zone.
Nature created things in a very healthy and positive way. When you are born you are given a reserve of power. This is a given human right to every single being.
You are given a reserve of free power to control what is yours. That's the ideal picture.
Let's take the example of relationships
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Power dynamics in relationships
Imagine you are a woman in a relationship. There are tensions in the relationship and your male partner is thinking of splitting.
When you use your power to try to make your partner change, you will usually be faced with massive resistance.
When you want your partner to change, you are creating a conflict between two energy realities. It is a conflict between what is in his mind against what is in yours.
In a situation like that one, you are simply using your control power to try to influence or shift his behavior.
The problem here is that self determination is a human right. This means that your male partner was given the right to decide for himself.
When you are trying to control or greatly influencing his actions and he does not want it, you are breaking a natural law of nature.
At the end, he will feel pressured, try to escape this pressure, eventually fight back or respond by shutting down.
The more you use power and control in a relationship, the more dead ends you create. Why? because by using excessive control and will power on your partner, you are precisely working against nature.
So, what is the answer. In most cases, the best solution is to give space. If you turn your controlling power into protective or preserving force, it changes everything. You take some distance, disinvest your will power on your partner and simply give him space.
When you do that, two things happen: the first one is that you allow someone to grow in their own time. The second thing which happens is that you express your love and respect fully by giving that person what he needs.
If you take the example of jealousy and check how it works, you'll quickly realize that jealousy has nothing to do with love. It is a conflict of power: Your task as a woman is to protect your relationship. You see your partner flirting with a girl and her presence threatens your relationship space. In fact, what you see is an attack on the relationship.
To defend your territory, you simply project a significant psychic blast on what is happening. You either challenge your partner or the girl he was flirting with.
Jealousy is an instinctual defense mechanism. Originally it is a very useful tool designed to protect your children and family space. So, nothing wrong with that.
Now, if you take it one step further, jealousy can consume you. Why is that? Because this power can be overused. You start responding to irrational fears which have no real ground. Have you sometimes felt like your partner was with someone else when in fact nothing was happening? You checked it out and felt really stupid about it?
Sometimes you perceive the unmanifested potentials. You have a dream about your partner sleeping with another woman and you assume that it is truly happening.
Jealousy is an example of a power that you can use in a very constructive and healthy way. It can be a fun game to be jealous. It can be a subtle force you use when it is really needed. Now, when it goes out of control, it can actually destroy your trust and your relationship.
In fact you will get exactly the opposite of what you wanted in the first place: the end of your relationship and unhappiness.
What is the solution? Master that force. Jealousy is an inner fire. Again it is related with an instinctual defense mechanism. Now you can be a slave of that mechanism or your can be its master.
When it comes to instinctual reactions like this one, you have always these two choices. The first choice is to work with the forces of nature, be synchronized, frictionless, harmonized. The second choice is to be the slave of these forces.
As you can see, mastering power dynamics within your relationship is truly one of the keys to create harmony on the long term.
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The challenge
The challenge is always to use your natural instinctual powers wisely. Most people simply avoid waking them up because they don't know how to handle them. They fear what could happen.
Imagine being given this black inner stallion (symbol for your natural wild instincts) and having to tame it.
Many beliefs systems see this waking up or freeing of your inner powers as a form of initiation. It can be the passage into adulthood for some ethnic groups. It can be the moment your give birth.
There are though other types of initiations which are simply the waking up of emotional patterns. These usually come up in crisis situations or are the results of sudden adrenaline rushes in threatening situations.
Survival can generate such awakening as well.
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Controlling power
The most common waste of power is related with the use of controlling power. The first place where control can be used is within your own life.
Being in control simply means being in charge. It's a force which simply gives you the resources to be directive with what happens in your life.
Using power outwardly to control other people's lives is already a deviation. It tends to create disharmony in family, relationships and friendships for instance.
Imagine now turning your controlling power into a more protective form. If you love someone, open your arms around that person rather then shutting them down on them. Imagine a form of opening embrace which sets free rather than limit the person.
Imagine for a second what does actually happen when you have the strength to do that.
Part of you natural role as a human being is to tame your instincts.
If you feel disharmony in your life, that's the first thing you can check within a coaching session: How are you using your power?
In many case, it's simply lack of power which creates an energy gap. You simply are in a situation where you blocked the awakening of your natural powers because you simply don't like power. You associate it with control and abuse of power. You can as well be in oppressive situation and have an overpowering force limiting your natural growth.
I work with 5 key instinctual powers at this stage. When I make a quick balance check for someone, I will notice that those who are unhappy with their lives usually miss one power in a way or another. A simple increase of power gives you usually the tools to remove obstacles and break through limiting forces. This in itself removes frustration and hopeless feelings.
In other case, it's not lack of power which creates unhappiness, it is the way power is used. Again, excessive control over your partner will hit you back in one way or another and create useless tension. These type of tension building situations are a waste of energy. They drain both partners and create dead end conflicts.
When you track back the original cause of these types of tensions, you discover a basic conflict of power. Two persons wanting to be in control of each other's lives.
In these cases, the solution is simple: Set your partner free! Trust your partner. Focus on your own life first. There is nothing in the other person which belongs to you!
I mean, do you realize that? There is no place in this relationship arrangement where you are given the right to control the other person's life. If you think you have the right, than it's a massive misunderstanding. It is a basic human right for everyone to have control over their own actions, beliefs thoughts, emotions, etc. If you step into your partners life and tell them what they must do, think or feel, you are breaking a natural law.
When you do that you constrict the other person's spirit and literally kill their life force. Sooner or later, life reacts and destroys this arrangement so that your partner can simply keep on growing.
I know, this is an accepted social behavior. Many forms of marriages state that you give your life to the other person. Now, why on earth are the divorce rates so high? Maybe it is because this type of agreement does not fit with today's spirit anymore. Individuals need more space and freedom than ever. Is this a sickness? Not at all! nature is trying to tell you something. You tend to suppress these natural desires to break free because some form of conditioning tells you you should sacrifice yourself.
It's time to wake up and listen to what your own nature is saying. Your desires and wishes are your fuel. This is the fire which keeps you going. If you suppress that fire, that's the very essence of your life power that you are killing. Who ever tells you that you should suppress and limit yourself is simply wanting to limit your life within boundaries they can control.
You see, the moment you break free, you challenge other people's beliefs: what they think about you, what they want to believe. When you decide to grow, you expand your power and naturally take back some of the power you have been delegating to others.
This means that people close to you, friends, family, collegues will sometimes loose some influence they had over you. This is why you simply face resistance when you want to grow. It is related with conservative forces (these are positive stabilizing forces) which simply sustained your growth for a while.
Now, when you decide to take back control over your life, you regain your natural power. Symbolically is is like removing the scaffolding which have been sustaining your growth.
It is your right to be in control of your life.
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Conclusion
If you feel like your life is not going where you want, take a minute to sign for a one time coaching session. You might be surprised with what you discover behind the scene. Unveiling the underlying dynamics which eventually drain your energy is the first step and very often the only one you will need to take. After that, it all flows naturally simply because you connect with your own natural forces.
Opening your eyes and seeing what is going on is a revelation in itself. Once you see it, you wish you had known that all your life.