In many cases, you will be faced with really poor quality input.
Here are some of the core mistakes I see people make when they try to coach you.
Very often these mistakes simply come from poor or untrained coaching skills.
They come as well from poor awareness about their deep intentions which can be extremely selfish and self centered in many cases.
What I mean by that is that their agenda is often to push their story or agenda on you instead of removing themselves from the equation.
Here are some of their core mistakes:
- Not selecting targets
- Not asking you what you want and not focusing on your agenda
- Forcing their agenda on you instead
- Giving you very directive advice
- Coming way too fast with advice before really understanding the deep dynamics you face
- Not listening
- Interrupting your flow
- Criticizing or attacking your actions
- Projecting resentment
- Coaching you without permission
- Retaliating when you don't follow their advice
- Telling you that you are doomed if you don't do what they say
- Emotionally threatening you
- Putting you down
- Unclean communication with strong emotional charge
- Projecting their story on you
- Superiorising which means patronising you or puting themselves above you
- Lecturing you and monopolizing speech
- Using metaphoric and abstract language instead of making it clear, specific and to the point
- Judging you
I recently witnessed various situations where I saw people in my direct social circle making these core mistakes.
When that happens you will feel the magic or power of the moment withdrawing and even fights being triggered.
The key here is that the person trying to coach is not actually really coaching or helping, simply pushing their own agenda on you.
How do you respond to these patterns and protect yourself from inputs that can be quite toxic?
Here are some simple tactics.
These are direct simple ways of wording your response.
- I am not available to receive your coaching right now
- Thank you for offering your help. I appreciate your desire to help but I am not ready to receive your input right now
- Ask me first for permission to coach me
- I give you 5 min, be direct, clear, specific and to the point
- I can feel a strong emotional charge projected on me right now