Ok. So my husband walked out a couple of weeks ago. Fine. He's been doing god knows what with god knows who... I am thinking loads of drinking.
I am sooooo mad. So he left me with the responsibility of taking care of his sister and her baby when they are in town. They are coming from a long way away and have no where else to stay, because well he hasn't contacted her at ALL.
I am so mad for her, I am so mad for me. I did everything for this guy and he can't show the courtesy to contact his sister. Or to contact me. And when he did contact me it was to tell me off for contacting his family. I only contacted his sister because she was coming over to stay with us, and he couldn't be bothered.
The man needs help. He's depressed, he's drunk and he needs help. I still love the a** and hope he gets it together, but I am not counting on it, I want him to talk to his sister and yes I do want some information.
I think I deserve that.
OOOOH I AM SO MAD!!!
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Hi,
I know exactly how you feel. His "delegating" attitude is frustrating. You have all the rights to be mad. Your time is precious and right now, you are taking responsibility for something he is supposed to be doing.
This is one of these situations where your anger is your way of defending your territory. It is welcome! It is a good thing. Express it! Tell it to him! It is your right to defend what is yours. Don't take responsibility for what he should be doing.
What to do now?
What would you do if you knew he was not going to be there? Would you still invite his sister? Do you have a good connection with her? Don't feel obliged in any way.
Step slightly back and concentrate on what is yours. Don't feel responsible for his actions or behaviors. The best you can do is disinvest yourself emotionally from this situation and focus 100% on what you want.
You won't shift his behavior and you might have to let it go for this time.
If you don't have a close connection with his sister, next time she calls, let him take the steps. tell her something like: "Look, he is not at home right now, but I'll pass the message as soon as he comes home"
I repeat. It's not your responsibility to make it work.
This is his family. If you were not married, what would you do? Behave like you would if you were on your own. Speak on your own name, not in the name of you and your partner. This will make sure that your protect your own space, time and energy.
It is a new boundary and you'll feel free the moment you establish it.